Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
