i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
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