I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
