if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize