when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
