if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
