My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
