just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
