I like my sex mixed with concussions.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
