Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
