I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
