if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
