i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My balls are so social today.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
