i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
