so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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