she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
