Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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