Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
