i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
