Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
