I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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