i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
