Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
