soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
