The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
