I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
