just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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