oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
