Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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