ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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