Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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