dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
