Sry I called you an 8
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
