Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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