your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
