whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
