Grow some girl-balls and come out already
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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