Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
