At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize