when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
