You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
