uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it because I queefed?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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