I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There are leaves in my underwear?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
