A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
