I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
