I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
