Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
