that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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