i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
