You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
