i permit you to call me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
