I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
