can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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