it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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