Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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