I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
