Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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