How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
