You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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