So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
