Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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