he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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