im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
