Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
