I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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