I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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