omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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