her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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