She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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