Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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