Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize