True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
