Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
