I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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