VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
