Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
