were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
