Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
