dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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