please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
