Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
