Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
