Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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