I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
there is glitter all over my balls
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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