I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I cut my penus on the lid.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
