dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
