Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
