its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
