HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
