wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
