Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
