Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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