I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
