Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize