No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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