I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
