If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
