i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
