Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
