just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
