Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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