I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
