i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i need some magic done to my vagina
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
