If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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