Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
