last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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