She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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