the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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