I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
