Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
