Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
