the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
