You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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